What Hurt the Most?

Sometimes, i really don't understand.. I don't understand why God has to let out so much of sufferings.. Why God like to punish 'good' people? Why faith are always not replied by blessings? Why most of the times, our prayers just wouldn't be granted..

I dont know whether our God is really THAT good.. If He's really that good, why life cannot be a little bit more fluent and smooth? (i din ask for more, just little bit).Why people with lots of faith suffer but people without faith succeed? Why people who believes in he Lord in Heaven does not see or hear Him? Why those who believe in miracles never witness it? Why people who reject the Lord can still be successful? This leads to a doubt in me whether He wants us to glorify His name through our success? Why we have to be standing below ordinary non-believer? Why He wont want to perform at least some small miracles which can changes lives? Why He does not gives us a good testimony so that we can shout out His name to the world? Why He doesn't want great things happening so that people can see that He is truly the Lord of Heaven? Why He always cast doubts on people like me and Caryn and some others? We failed, but still press on, kept faith; failed again, press on, worked harder, kept more faith; failed again! have even more faith, work even harder, hopefully there'll be harvest in the end; but still, the ending is a bad one- it doesn't solve the problems now, but created a even much harder situation...How many times are we supposed to go through testings and problems? How much faith is actually enough?

Since young i have many many doubts on God.. At one time i doubted whether the Bible, or of what Christian so called the 'words of the God', is really true and totally applicable? Is there really not a single faults in it? Is it really that powerful? Besides, does reading Bible often makes your life better? Does praying more makes you feel better? Does going to church every week make you a better person? Does singing and praising Him makes you a happier person? I doubt all these... I think blessing is a gifts, a grace, not that you earn it or you work hard for it, but it just depends on whether God wants to give it or not.. Does a sinner will not be blessed? In fact in many cases, grace are pured on sinners more often...

I'd just finished reading 'The Alchemist'.. I was touched by many of the teachings in the book.. Though it's not a Christian book, but it makes a lot of spiritual sense.. For example, it says: The whole world is made by One hand, by spoken words (no doubt bout it); every single thing in this world is all linked together (true), and the most important thing that bind them all is a thing call Love (Yes); God tells a language that everyone in this world understands, but it all depends how carefully you listen and observe the omen..

Everyone is created with a destiny, it depends whether you wan to fulfill it or not - either way is not wrong: fulfilling your purpose makes you feel 'satisfied' and more complete, but without fulfilling it, life goes on as ever, just lack of something (so what?)..
"If you really have the heart and will to go after something, the whole universe will help you to do that" - i think it's rightly so when refer to God as well, because a loving God and omnipotent God just doesn't have 'one' way for you, but one of the biggest gift He gave to us human is 'choices'.. We have our own freewill to do whatever we like, and if it is pleasing in His eyes and does not disobey the Laws, i believe He will still bless us and help us..

Besides, does it mean other religion is wrong? I don't think so.. Just as what CS Lewis said: Every religion in this world, even the queerest ones, has its own very truth. It's just like arithmetic, there are many many ways of solving the problem, but there'll be only one final answer. All things are from One, and in the end it'll all return to One... Besides, does it mean being a Christian is better or 'cooler' than being a Buddist or Muslim or Hindu, No! I believe everything can leads to the very core truth, and maybe, Christianity is the closest among all.. But still, i hate religions, or even want to discuss bout it.. Religion is the worst enemy of this world- it provoked too much wars and complications, from the very beginning of the age till this very moment, every war that happened are actually, though indirectly, a Holy War.. That's why i always refer our christian believes as a "relationship", not a religion..

There's One God (or i should say triune Gods) who created this earth, then out of love created us- the human beings, and out of love, he guard over us and longs for a intimate relationship with us, which is why He sent His only begotten son Jesus Christ to die for us... And one day, He will come back again and destroy everything and make all things new again.. But in this difficult times, why He seem so distant? Why there's no miracles, no blessings?

Still, i don't understand a shit.. In this time of darkness, faith seems so faint, and it's so hard now to ever make another leap of faith... Why? Why?